Goal Celebration Etiquette, Amateur-Style

By: Sean | January 8th, 2009

What’s the first thing you do after you score?

Do you have a pre-orchestrated goal celebration, like Nani’s twisting back flips or even something simpler like Robbie Keane’s previous Tottenham-era cartwheel-and-machine-gun dance? (I haven’t noticed it yet at Merseyside, but I may just have missed it.) Do you just run wildly around the pitch “high five-ing” any teammates you find? Or, as is often the case in the weekend recreational matches I’ve observed, do you pump your fist once or twice and then politely jog back to the center circle for the next kick-off? I’ve noticed an odd reservation in the goal celebrations on the amateur pitch and I’m not sure why that is. There are very few times in your life when you are afforded a minute or so to go absolutely berserk without fear of rebuke. Scoring a goal is one of those times but sadly, that opportunity is not always seized.

Perhaps this restraint is just a local thing and, if I ventured outside my corner of Oregon, I would see more enthusiastic dances and celebrations. Maybe it’s a sign of our Northwest progressive cool, where we don’t get worked up about those things. Perhaps it is considered poor sportsmanship and everybody got the message except me to keep it in perspective. Our team has one supporter, an energetic fellow named AJ, who never fails to roar out a hearty “GOOOOAAAALLLL!” (sometimes lasting upwards of a minute) when my club nets. It isn’t done to spite or mock, just to celebrate the game, but I have noticed other clubs exclaim in frustration “Shut up and show some class!” or, when the opposition scored, there was a weaker, almost sarcastic “goooaaalll!” cry in reply. (Their efforts are usually weak compared to AJ’s robust exclamations, as evidenced by the use of lower case letters in lieu of all caps.)

I recall that I had been playing O-30 soccer for two seasons before I recognized anything approaching notable goal celebratory behavior and it was pretty low-key. The opposition put one past us midway in the second half to break a 1-1 tie and the striker gave a little jump, crossed himself, and got a few pats on the back. It wasn’t much, but it was more than what I had previously seen. I recalled not taking offense at it. I thought it was kind of cool. Perhaps that moment was still lingering in the back of my mind when, the following season, my club was losing 10-0 (yes, 10-0) on an artificial turf pitch in the middle of July. It was literally 110 degrees on the field and the blistering heat and blister-inducing English opposition had pretty much crushed us by the seventieth minute. Two of our guys were sidelined with heat cramps or heat exhaustion or whatever the condition is where you stop sweating. The referee said, “I’m going to give you guys one more chance and then I’m calling the match.” Our right midfielder crossed the ball to me at the top of the box and I got some good foot into it, beating the (largely unmotivated) keeper straight down the middle. 10-1! I ripped off my jersey, Brandi Chastain style, and collapsed to my knees, screaming “OHMYGAWDITISA-[BLEEPING]MIRACLE!” The referee smirked as he blew the final whistle at 71 minutes and said, “I’m supposed to give you card for that, but I can’t seem to find it.” In all fairness, my brain was a little fried. It was probably over the top but…whatever.

So what is proper goal celebration etiquette? First of all, I suppose the level of celebration should be commensurate with the circumstances of the goal. If you score a match winner in the 93rd minute or score any goal with a bicycle kick, you are allowed to take the corner flag and do a “Guitar Hero III” solo. That same celebration act after your team goes up 9-0 on an eight man squad is probably poor form. Secondly, the goal celebration should be all about the positive, not taunting the opposition. Sliding triumphantly toward your bench and beating your chest? Probably good. Sliding defiantly toward the opposition’s bench and grabbing your crotch? Probably not good. I would guess that involving the opposition (or their hot spouses) in your goal celebration is generally a prelude to trouble, especially if that goal celebration is the en masse team tackle. Come to think of it, I can’t think of an instance in American adult rec soccer where the urge to gang tackle anybody ever worked out well. After age thirty a group tackle usually involves injuring someone on the bottom and that just kills the moment. Any vocals in the celebration are best kept to a minimum number of syllables (i.e. “YEAH! GOAL!”, etc.) because they can be easily roared when out of breath and, at the risk of seeing a card, never yell “Bee-Yatch!” or “Suck [insert just about anything here]!”

Finally, never, ever celebrate an own goal. Nobody will appreciate the irony.

Other than that, go nuts. You’ve earned it!

How about you, Weekend Warriors? Do they know how to give good goal celebration where you play? Do you have an almost trademarked move you like to bust out when the keeper is collecting the ball? I’d love to hear about it if you do. Cheers!