Seven Things Every Recreational Footballer Should Do

By: Sean | November 17th, 2008

For all of the rich variety in a typical football match–the movement off the ball, the strategy, the hard-fought challenges and the organization required to attack, thrust and parry as a team–there are some universal moments every player hopes to experience…most of them involving a goal. We all want to shoot a rocket from forty yards out…that flies into the goal. We all want to do a bicycle kick…into the goal. We all want to hit a diving header at full stretch, a good four feet above the ground…that lands in the goal. But for most of us, those particular glories will be rare if at all. I would argue that to experience the true meaning of the Beautiful Game, Weekend Warrior-style, one should become acquainted with these Seven Things Every Recreational Footballer Should Do:

1. Coach microsoccer. I would advocate that giving back to the Beautiful Game by volunteering your time and experience with youth of any age is a worthy and noble endeavor, but try giving instruction to five year olds. Try distilling the game to absolute basics and see how that changes your perspective. “Kick the ball in the goal!” “Don’t kick the ball in that goal!” “Stop eating dirt!” And do all of that with a smile on your face and joy in your heart, because at this age, Mob Ball is basically about running around and a snack. At the end of the season, if none of your kids are hurt or quit, then congratulations! You’re a great micro coach! Bonus if any of the kids can kick the ball with the inside of their feet!

2. Play goalkeeper for your squad at least once. Let’s face it. You are either a goalkeeper or you are not. I would argue that the vast majority of us are not, which is why a good netminder is generally worth their share of the team fee. When your goalie is absent, the six most dreaded words a player can hear is, “Do you want to play keeper?” Of course you don’t, but you will appreciate your Number One so much more after you block a shot with his gloves. You’ll appreciate him even more after you pick the ball out of the net. Ian Rush said, “The goalkeeper can play a blinder, then let one in… and he’s a villain.” That fine line between fame and infamy will help you understand as a field player the importance of getting back on defense, staying with your marker, and not flinching when the free kick from outside the box slams into your wall.

3. Be a manager. The upside: Hey! I can play whatever position I want and no one can tell me no! The downside: Six guys want to play striker. The upside: I can be number seven this week! The downside: Washing the jerseys after a ninety minute mud bath kind of sucks. The upside: You can set the team fees and maybe even charge a little more for new balls or corner flags. The downside: Two of your guys quit three matches into the season and you need to make up the $100 difference. The upside: You can make sure that everybody knows where the match is this weekend. The downside: You’ve got just enough teammates to play a 2-3-1. Taking care of all the little details that results in sixteen people showing up at the right place, on the right day, at the right time and working together to beat a like-minded side can be as easy or as difficult as you want to make it. Player management is part of the game and while deciding which guy is going to take a penalty doesn’t make the highlight reel, you’ll get better insight into your squad and perhaps even learn a thing or two yourself.

4. Co-ed soccer. Some players have strong feelings about co-ed soccer. They enjoy the pace, the movement, the distribution and the tempo. Unless you a total jerk, you are likely not crashing through the other players and going to ground double-studs up to make a tackle. Others don’t share that same enthusiasm, as they believe there is an underlying restraint to the co-ed game that goes something like this: “If I score on a woman, it’s not a big deal because I was supposed to, but if I don’t score, I look like I blew it.” (Does this sound familiar to anyone?) Try it.

5. Make the Selfless Assist. You just intercepted the center midfielder’s outlet pass, dribbled around the winger’s frantic challenge, juked the sweeper and now the keeper is rushing off his line, making himself big. What do you do? Do you tee off and try to blast through him? Do you feint left and hope the stopper doesn’t clobber you as you plant for the shot? Or do you give an easy little dish to your incoming midfielder and let him tap in for a gimme goal? When the frame is looming large and the keeper is looking small, it is only human nature to go for goal…but every once in a while, look for the unmarked man. Regardless of who puts it in, everybody will know who really made that goal happen. Your assist will linger longer in the memory than the tap from three yards out. Your teammates will have a new respect for you (and be looking for you the next time) and if the scorer doesn’t do that “boot shining” goal celebration afterward to acknowledge your playmaking greatness, screw him and shoot the next time.

6. Own goal. Why the hell would I want to do that?! You don’t, of course, but like getting your heart broken, every footballer should at one time in their careers have that One Unperfect Moment when the entire match–the entire world–seems to stop and land on you. In that instant, you will know who your friends really are. You’ll get a glimpse of your squad’s true character. Are they falling upon you like wolves? Are they shaking their head in quiet disgust? Or are they grinning as they pick you up and muttering, “Dude, it’s the other goal.” If they are doing the latter, buy them many beers afterwards. These guys would bail you out of a bar fight. Just don’t learn this lesson more than once every two years or you will be asked to quit.

7. Help put up the damn nets! Be a team player, man! C’mon!

What do you think, Weekend Warriors? Am I missing a quintessential soccer moment? (Not involving an awesome goal, of course.) I welcome your comments and personal anecdotes.