The Five Stages of Soccer Grief

By: Sean | February 21st, 2009

Having been on the tragic side of more soccer routs than I care to admit, I noticed a familiar pattern to the losing side’s collective behavior. With each goal compounding additional misery, I could almost predict how a squad would respond and I thought I had chanced upon a brilliant discovery. Then I realized the model that explained the reaction had already been articulated by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. No, Kübler-Ross didn’t play for the World Cup winning German women’s squad in 2007, but she did come up with a model for describing the discrete stages that an individual goes through when dealing with grief or tragedy. They are: 1. Denial; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; and 5. Acceptance. These same stages can be applied to a team mentality during an on-pitch drubbing.

Score: 0-1
Stage: Denial
Team exclamation: “Nooooo!”
Cursing: You swear in disbelief.
Pitch behavior: The squad is milling around, heads down, hands on their hips, collectively trying to figure out what the hell just happened and not fully believing they just went down one. That goal was against the run of play! We were taking the game to them!
Opposition reaction: Wild, enthusiastic celebration.

Score: 0-2
Stage: Anger
Team exclamation: “Who the f**k is marking the delayed runner on the corner!?”
Cursing: Most everybody is cursing.
Pitch behavior: Somebody is getting chewed out now–likely the goalkeeper (deservedly or not)–and the forwards are giving suggestions on how to play better defense. This does not improve the situation. At some point the midfielders will be blamed for not getting back and following the runners. Tempers flare.
Opposition reaction: Enthusiastic celebration, much like in the first stage.

Score: 0-3
Stage: Bargaining
Team exclamation: “Referee, he was offsides by a mile! Can’t you give us a call?!” Another variation of this: “That wasn’t a penalty! The ball hit me in the chest! They don’t need another goal!”
Cursing: You may swear at the official in your attempt to get the call overturned.
Pitch behavior: The captain is desperately pleading his case to the linesman, who in recreational soccer is often a fifteen year old boy, trying to look stone-faced and not cry.
Opposition reaction: Slightly less animated celebration, probably limited to fist pumping and back-patting.

Score: 0-4
Stage: Depression
Team exclamation: “This totally sucks. Why even bother subbing on?”
Cursing: You may work up a curse, but your enthusiasm for it is gone.
Pitch behavior: The collective weight of the defeat is starting to sink in. The keeper picks the ball out of the net wearily and the walk back to restart the match is labored and slow. You know hardly anyone rallies back from four down and now you are just wanting it all to be over. “What’s the point of continuing to play?” Interesting observation: Your previous 4-4-2 formation has become a 2-0-8 as nobody wants to play defense and everybody just wants to score.
Opposition reaction: Sarcastic displays of gratitude, perhaps a sideways comment about the ease of the match.

Score: 0-5
Stage: Acceptance
Team exclamation: “Is it time for beer yet?”
Cursing: Your curses are generally good-natured. “Dude, we are f**king terrible. Ha ha ha!”
Pitch behavior: Nobody is running back anymore to defend and the only bursts of enthusiasm are the long balls that cross the center line. Nothing your team can do will improve the result. You’ve come to grips with an epic loss. Ironically, this actually improves your play and you string together a few passes.
Opposition reaction: Not even the opposition is celebrating anymore. If they are, they are dicks and you should try to incite a riot and get the match result disqualified.